What a Drag ! Saionji x Touga crack fic
by CatalunaRei
Summary: Saionji...In a SKIRT ?


It was Saturday, Touga's favorite day of the week. The day of the week that he'd usually spend with Saionji.. "Except Saionji isn't here" The red-headed boy reminded himself. Touga poured a tall glass of wine and lifted it upward. "A toast. To beautiful me~! " he sang

Nanami isn't here to piss me off ,and thank the heavens that Saionji isn't here to nag me about my usual flirting with…" Touga paused to think. " Who was he complaining about again?" He laughed " Oh that's right. Everybody. He was complaining about me flirting with everybody. Now I remember."

"Ding-Dong"

"Just a moment." he called.

Then the president of the student council brought the glass to his lips, drinking every drop as quickly as possible before hurriedly pacing to the front door.

"Hai." Ruka said " Here is your package. Just sign here and- Touga?"

"Ruka ?" Touga smiled" Do come in."

A wide grin bloomed to life on Ruka's lips as he stepped into the spacious house. " Yeah, I haven't seen you in ages. "

Touga merely nodded before pointing to the big white sofa near the center of the den. " Make yourself comfortable. I'll pour you some wine. "

"Arigato."Ruka set himself on the sofa and watched as Touga gracefully poured two glasses of the red liquid.

"Eto.. How's things with Saionji going ?"

"Rather well," He answered vaguely. " And how's the new job been ?" He asked , all the while admiring how good Ruka looked in is postman uniform.

"Could be better. But it puts the bread on the table."

Touga handed him a glass of wine as he took as sip of his own. " I like the way you think"

Ruka looked into his glass aimlessly. " Umm.. Its Saturday. Where is the guy ?"

"Oh, you mean Saionji ?" He asked , placing himself on the sofa next to the new postman. "He's gone out with Nanami today."

Ruka's eyes widened. "Nanami ?" He laughed. " You've gotta be kidding me. Those two are like fire and ice. "

Cerulean eyes crinkled at the sides, a chuckle escaping his lips " I was thinking the same thing. It appears that he owes Nanami something," Touga pondered. " though I don't know what… He did look rather unhappy this morning..."

Ruka snickered , gulping down the last bit of his wine. "Better get out your shield and sword then."

" And what's that supposed to mean ?" Touga asked, eyerbrows furrowing

"Nothing much... Just don't blame me if he takes his anger out on you like he always does."

"Nonsense. How could Kyouichi possibly think that it was my fault ? "

Just then the front door burst open as if on cue. " Touga !" A very angry voice boomed. " This is all your goddamn fault !"

" Saionji ? What's all my-"

Two pairs of blue eyes widened in unison. The wine glasses broke in mere seconds as they shattered onto the hard wood floor.

Ruka began to blabber mindlessly. " Sai- Saonji.. is.. is in a skirt ? "

"Yes. Yes, I am. " Saionji grunted though gritted teeth. " And it is _very_ uncomfortable." He added, fidgeting with the frilly hem of the very revealing pink skirt.

"Touga. I'll get you for this. You can bet your life savings on it."

Touga's eyes began to water. " Just seeing you like this Kyouichi... My eyes .. They're _burning_."

" I just came over to let you see what the hell you've gotten me into this time." The green haired boy put his hands on his hips. " Do you think this is funny? Hmm ? Do you like seeing me suffer for the things you've done while you have a good 'ole time ? Sipping wine like a rich bitch with the freakin' _**mailman, **__eh_?"

Ruka began to babble again " You're wearing _waaay_ too much make-up, Saionji. Its clashing with your top. "

Touga nodded. " Agreed. The purple eyeshadow brings out your eyes but it does nothing for the outfit."

"The pearl earrings _do_ look decent with the beige heels, I must admit."

Touga grunted in agreement " You're right, Ruka , but they'd sure would look better with"

Saionji interrupted. " Do you _fags_ really see _nothing_ wrong with a man in a skirt and make-up ?

"Ruka voice lowered seductively " Well, you do have a slender ,femine figure to begin with. Its nice to see you showing so much skin for a change.."

"What the hell is that supposed to mean ,Ruka ?" Saionji and Touga exclaimed .

Ruka laughed nervously. " Can't you guys take a joke ?"

"No"

"Nope"

Silence.

Ruka stood up from the couch " Well.. I have some more…uh. mailing stuff to do. These packages won't deliver themselves, you know. " And with that he nervously slipped out of the door , happy to make it out alive from under Saionji's heated glare... and ugly make-up

Not all to long afterward , that same glare returned to a very ,very confused looking red-haired boy. "Touga.. I hate-"

"Don't blame me, it was Nanami who-"

"No, Touga. It was you. You were the one who told Nanami that I broke into her room and shattered her 'precious little egg'."

It was all coming back to him. " Oh, you mean that silly little egg she used to carry around ? Well, Nanami had been crying that day and there was no explanation as to how it had been broken so I-

"Kyouichi interrupted fiercely. " So you told her that I did it."

"Oops."

Tears welled up in amethyst eyes. " 'Oops' can't give me my dignity back . Oops can't give me my pride back. " He cried. " Oops can't get me out of this tight skirt and these painful heels, Touga. Oops can't-"

"Yes. Yes I know, Dear, and I'm-"

"No you're not sorry, Touga I've known you for long enough.. (_maybe even too long_) and trust me I know when you're sorry ! You never take me out anymore or anything, Touga ! I cook and I clean and -" Kyouichi gasped."

"What's the matter. Kyo ?" Touga inquired worriedly.

"We fight like some old married couple. Its like you're the husband and I'm- I'm "

"In a skirt ?"

"I'm the wife ! "Saionji sobbed. Not long after that he'd sprinted out of the house almost breaking a heel in the process. And nonetheless Touga headed after him.

" Saionji wait up ! You dropped your purse ! "

" Its like I'm the wife ! Its like I'm the wife ! " Saionij repeated, pace quickening as he ran down the sidewalk.

"Saionji ?" Utena screeched in shock.

"He's wearing a skirt and heels." Shiori said in a monotone voice.

Wakaba had already fainted by then. Brown hair spread out on the concrete ,she looked..peaceful.. and very, very pale.

As Touga passed by he wanted to help the girls, but once he saw the crazed look on their faces he decided to keep running.

"And Touga is carrying a purse." Utena finished.

"Well, at least something's normal. "

* * *

At last Nanami had seen people she knew. There was no hesitation to her question.

"Have any of you seen a runaway drag queen around here ?" she asked ,clearly out of breath.

The two standing girls pointed to the right. " That way."

Nanami brushed some sweat-damped blonde hair from her forehead.

"Arigato."

* * *

**Haha. When boredom strikes... I strike back XDD. This was a crack fic I wrote a while ago. I was simply to lazy to type it up. Well, I had a ton of time and decided to type it up and then post it. I have a couple of other crack fics...and not to mention a ton of time ( since its X-mas break) so I'll put those up too.**

**Hope I made you laugh. XDD. **

**Comment ,rate, do whatever :)**


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